Outtaverse part 3: Slayer ex machina
by Madcap13
Summary: Buffy and Willow go to Vegas, Tara goes digging for buried treasure and Xander asks for help where he least expects it.


Outtaverse part 3: Slayer ex machina

Summary: Buffy and Willow go to Vegas, Tara goes digging for buried treasure and Xander asks for help where he least expects it.

This one's actually pretty small. Oh well.

Disclamier : I have nightmares about meeting Whedon. Like not really.. but really.

Distribution : Just ask me first, please. I'll probably say yes.

Feedback : Do I have a sign on my back that says come feedback me? Cos I should.

Warning : Rated R for violence, sex and anything else that I stick in and can't be bothered to rate. It's just easier this way.

Authors note: I'd just like to shout out to all those great guys who write for the journeyverse. It's my most favorite AU of all time. If you haven't heard of it, check it out. It's Xander-centric but lotsa fun.

You could also check out the Wanderverse too, which has a lot of material made for it.

Anyway, enough yapping from me. Onto the story!

-

-

-

Sunnydale, Summers household, morning.

"Mom?" Buffy called as she came in the front door, smiling.

"We're in here, Buffy." Joyce called from the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen, Buffy's smile turned into a frown as she watched Dawn and her mother have fun making something with flour in it.

She knew it was supposed to have flour in it because both Dawn and Joyce were covered in flour.

Some mistake of Dawn proportions had happened and they were laughing their heads off about it.

How could getting yourself all floury be so fun?

Why didn't they wait for her?

"Buffy." Joyce said, trying to stop laughing, "We're just making a cake."

"So I see."

"I thought you were going to help Giles today?" Dawn asked her.

"Nope. I've been given an assignment." Buffy said, her smile returning anew, "I'm going to Las Vegas."

"Does this assignment involve losing all your money?" Dawn asked then added "And then stripping in front of people to get it back? You know Xander did that."

Joyce couldn't help but chuckle even though Buffy was glaring at her.

"Sorry." she said, "It's just the thought of Xander in a place like that. I can't picture it."

"Oh, I can." Dawn sniggered.

Buffy rolled her eyes at the duo, "No. It's Slayer related. You remember that book that Faith had with her? Giles has finally started to get somewhere with it. It has all these spells for finding people like Slayers. I'm escorting Willow to Vegas to help her find one there."

"That's great." Joyce said, sharing her daughter's enthusiasm, "But why do you have to go with her?"

"Just in case the champion of good we meet isn't. For an example, check out the coma patient I had prepared earlier." Buffy said, "Besides, It might be fun. Oh, I should get ready to catch the bus. We're going as soon as possible so we can catch the grand opening of the magic box when we get back."

"Cool. Can I come?" Dawn asked.

"No." Buffy said flatly.

"I mean to the grand opening. Not dumb Las Vegas."

"No." Buffy said just as flatly, turning and running up the stairs into her bedroom.

From under her bed, she pulled out a sheathed short sword and a suitcase.

She thought about what weapons to bring and settled on a short sword, seeing as it was the biggest bladed weapon that would fit in her suitcase. She tossed in a few stakes from her dresser then noticed the picture of Riley on her dresser mirror.

This brought on a sigh full of longing.

"I wonder what he's doing right now."

-

A jungle in Paraguay that looked suspiciously like a marsh in California.

Riley Finn was sitting a tree stump, waiting for his turn in the tent.

His new life had a lot of waiting. It had a lot of action but it was mostly waiting.

Lying in wait for an ambush, waiting while in transit, waiting for his next meal and currently he was waiting for a grilling from the brass.

What he needed was a hobby. Something light weight.

He was torn between taking up reading and the learning the harmonica when Graham came out of the tent.

"Riley. You're up." Graham said as he passed by.

"What's it about?" Riley asked him.

"Nothing too hard." Graham told him and kept on walking to the mess tent.

Resigned to his fate, he walked into the brass's tent.

Inside it was dark and the two higher ups were sitting down at a table with a few folders on it.

"Hello Riley Finn." one of the brass said easily, "We've been reading up on your colorful career."

Riley sat down but said nothing.

There wasn't a question in that sentence.

"No regrets leaving... Buffy Summers, behind?" the other brass asked, looking in the folder in his hands.

"None." Riley said, sure of himself.

"Everything is fine here?" the same one asked.

"Better than fine." Riley replied.

While Riley had his attention on the one that just talked, the other one asked him "What do you think about Xander Harris?"

Riley looked at him oddly, "Xander? What can I say? He's a great guy. Why?"

"He was one of the insurrectionists that helped save our men at the Initiative?" the first one asked as they toggled talking between each other.

"Well, yes but I wouldn't use the term insurrectionist. He wasn't there to overthrow the government, just to save as many soldiers as he could."

Both agents wrote something down.

Looking between them, he asked "What is this about?"

-

Sunnydale, construction site.

"Xander Harris?" The foreman asked two men in grey suits, "He's easy to get along with. Hard-working. Comes in with some real shiners some mornings but other than that, don't really know him. Why?"

"Thank you for your help." said the shorter agent and both agents walked into the construction yard.

"Hey. You'll need these." the foreman told them, chasing after them with two hard hats.

"We'll be just fine." The taller one said in a condescending fashion and they both ignored the warning.

They walked into the construction yard to find Xander having a coffee break with some other workers in a small portable office far off to the side of the actual construction effort.

When the two agents walked in, the room slowly went quiet.

"Looking for something?" one of Xander's fellow workers asked.

"Mr Harris. I'm afraid you need to come with us." The shorter one said, pulling out his wallet and flashing an official looking bunch of initials but putting it away before anyone could read it properly.

Xander looked them over, confused then stood up and followed them out of the yard.

"So what's going on?" Xander asked, while they walked, "Do I need a lawyer?"

"Everything will be explained shortly." The taller one told him.

-

A white room with a big one way mirror, somewhere else in Sunnydale.

Two hours later and things still hadn't been explained to Xander.

For the past two hours, they had performed a wide variety of physical and psychological tests on him.

It was almost exactly two hours on the dot when the original two agents who brought him to town hall came into the white room.

"You seem to be in good physical health and moderately good psychological health considering the circumstances. It also seems you have a sense of humor."

Xander raised an eyebrow, "It took you two hours to find out I have a sense of humor? I guess that brain scanning thing you put on my head really couldn't read my thoughts."

"The thought readers are still in the testing phase." The taller one said.

Xander was about to laugh but stopped himself when he realized that wasn't a joke.

"Do you love America?" the shorter one asked.

Xander knew this one.

"Yes."

"Do you do drugs?" the same, smaller one asked.

"No!" Xander said a bit harshly.

"Do you drink?"

"Sometimes. I try to not get too drunk."

The same agent nodded knowingly, "That could get you killed in Sunnydale."

"Are you a vegetarian?" the taller one asked, getting a weird look from the smaller agent.

"Uh. No." Xander said, wondering what this had to do with anything.

"Did you know that Hitler was both a teetotaler and a vegetarian?" The taller asked.

"No. I didn't." Xander admitted.

"Considering that you know about the sub-terrestrial threat in Sunnydale, might I ask why you still live here?" The shorter agent asked.

"Because someone has to." Xander said with a shrug, "We can't all just pack up and leave because then it would get out of hand."

Both agents nodded in understanding.

The taller one spoke this time, "The fact that you're not outright ignoring the threat to our way of life while many others have, it makes you better than everyone else."

Xander frowned, "I'm not so sure about that."

"Oh, it does." The taller one continued, "That's why we want you to work for us."

Xander blinked, "Work for you?"

The smaller one nodded, "Agent Finn recommended you for the position."

"Riley? Wait, you want me to join the army? I'm not ready for that. I've got responsibilities here."

"We need a body in Sunnydale." The smaller one explained, "You would be surprised how few people we have who would be willing to do that. Those that are willing, are needed elsewhere. That's why we decided to look into the civilian sector. Normally civilians wouldn't know about the sub-terrestrials. The security clearance needed is remarkably high."

"Really? How high?"

"Very high." The taller told him.

Xander frowned, "Does the president know?"

The two agents looked at each other before turning back to Xander and saying in perfect unison "That's classified."

Then the taller one talked.

"Officially the initiative has left Sunnydale but it would not be prudent to leave such a high concentration of sub-terrestrial activity unmonitored. That's where you come in."

"You want me to be your eyes and ears." Xander said, coming to a logical conclusion, "Okay. I can do that."

"No. I don't think you quite understand what we're asking of you." the shorter one said. "We want to you run Sunnydale for us."

Xander looked at him, not quite getting what he meant, "Run Sunnydale for you?"

"We want you to be the Mayor."

Xander stared at them both for a long time.

"You can't be serious... You are serious. You want me to be the mayor? But you can't just make me the mayor, can you?"

"Why not? Do you ever remember voting for Wilkins?" the taller one asked.

Xander frowned, "Well, no. But I was probably like twelve when he got elected."

"There was no election." the taller said, "With no competition, all he had to do was show up."

"Why me? I know a guy called Rupert Giles. This would be right up his alley."

The agents looked at each other, something silent said between them.

"We would prefer someone whose alliance is not in question." The taller explained.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Xander asked.

"You tell us."

"Because he's British?"

"Looking into his case, we found some disturbing things."

"Really?" Xander asked, "Want to share?"

"No. Let's just state for the record that you should not trust him."

-

Xander rushed into the magic box, VERY excited and wearing a grey suit.

Inside Giles, Tara and Harmony were packing the store for the grand opening tomorrow.

"GILES! It's amazing. Hey Tara. You'd never guess what happened. These two agent guys straight out of the matrix came and took me to this little white room and they probed my brain and showed me inkblots and I said I loved America and the president doesn't know about the sub-terrestrials and they gave me this cool suit..."

Xander took a deep breath in here before finishing with "And now I'm the mayor! Isn't that awesome?"

Giles looked at him for a second.

"Is it Halloween already?" Giles asked Tara.

"No. It just feels like it." Xander laughed, "I'm the mayor. The actual mayor. Mayor is me. I have funds and press conferences and probably a secretary who knows what a stenographer is."

"Ooh. I know what one is." Harmony said, cheering up, "The rest, I don't get."

Xander looked at Harmony for a second and asked "What's she doing here?"

"Giles flat is boring to stay in during the day." Harmony explained.

Xander thought about that then shook his head, "You know what. Not even you can ruin my mood right now. I'm newly rich and powerful and I can send a request for the army to come here and shoot you. But I wouldn't because that would be a waste of resources and it would take a week to process. I would just shoot you myself."

No one took that threat seriously and Giles said "Xander. You can't just become the mayor. There are procedures and regulations . You-you need to be elected."

"That's what I said!" Xander laughed, "Turns out, you don't. Ooh. You want to see my suitcase? It's just like the ones off TV with the money inside."

Xander held up his samsonite briefcase and showed everyone.

"Are you really the mayor?" Tara asked him to which Xander nodded a lot.

"Yup!"

"So you could authorize the excavation of a historical Sunnydale landmark?" Giles asked, which confused Xander.

"Huh?"

"If you're really the mayor you could authorize that." Giles told him.

Xander frowned and put his briefcase on the table.

Opening it up revealed that it was packed full of books and papers.

"Let's see, shall we? Umm." Xander said, lost in all the paper.

"May I?" Giles asked to which Xander shrugged positive.

Giles smiled and pull out a folder, looked through it, then pulled out a form.

"Oh look. A permit for the excavation of historic landmarks. I .. guess.. you are the mayor." Giles admitted grudgingly.

Xander was in a state of awe, "Please jedi master. Teach this unworthy padawan in the ways of red tape."

"Some would say you are too old. Too wild. Cannot be done." Giles said with an air of authority, "Or you could just save me the effort and read the colored tabs to each folder."

"No. That would logical." Xander groaned then looked at Giles oddly, "But why would you want to excavate a landmark? And since when did Sunnydale have landmarks?"

"It has several. Most of them are either graveyards or churches." Giles explained, "And the reason. Uh, Tara?"

Tara turned the Nimrodim appendix so Xander could see a woodcut in it.

Xander's eyes twinkled.

"Oooh. It's pretty. Buffy's going to LOVE that."

-

Las Vegas, hallway of a four star hotel.

"I wonder what she'll be like." Buffy pondered then rolled her eyes, "It's probably a guy. I bet he's a hottie."

Willow gave Buffy an angry look, "Buffy. Trying to concentrate here."

"Right. Sorry."

Willow took in deep breath and concentrated again.

The small murky crystal ball in her hand flickered with a small soft glow and Willow started walking again.

Looking left and right, she eventually turned right.

"Is this the one?" Buffy asked.

"I think so. No. Hang on... I think so."

Willow took her eyes off the crystal ball and rubbed her eyes, "I think I'm growing round eyes."

"Well, here goes nothing." Buffy said, knocking on the door.

The door half opened and a cute boy with short brown hair and piercing green eyes looked out at them from the inside.

He looked down at the orb in Willow's hand then opened the door completely to show the sword he held, resting it on his shoulder casually.

"I take it you don't work for the hotel." he said.

-

Ancient excavation site, Sunnydale.

Xander, Tara and Anya stood in a man made series of caverns surrounded by civil engineers. Everyone was wearing a hard hat.

Xander didn't know what guardian angel was looking down on him but so far there wasn't anything he didn't like about being the mayor. It was like winning the lottery without buying a ticket.

Anya fawning over his new look was growing on him too.

He didn't let the fact that Anya was already thinking of ways to spend his increased income sway his good mood.

"I think I like my new found mayor powers." Xander told Anya and Tara.

"You need a cape." Tara joked.

"It wouldn't go with his suit." Anya said, shaking her head and pressing a wrinkle out of the suit with her hand, "You do look very handsome wearing this."

"Thank you, Anya. I think I got that message the first five times you said it."

"Uh..Y-You do look handsome." Tara told him, "Very tidy."

Xander gave her a smile, "Thanks."

"Wow. Even the lesbian thinks you're sexy." said Anya.

Tara's eyes shot open, "N-N-nno!"

"Anya." Xander berated her.

"It's not my fault she's uncomfortable with her sexuality." whined Anya.

Tara's mouth moved like she was trying to talk but nothing came out.

Xander gave Anya a disapproving gaze, "Ahn! Look at what you did. If she goes into convulsions, you're explaining this to Willow."

Frowning, Anya moved over to Tara and patted her back, "I'm sorry, Tara. Please don't swallow your tongue. It would make my continued friendship with Willow perilous at best, which would effect my relationship with Xander."

"I-I'm ffine." Tara told her, backing away from Anya and looking at the ground.

The foreman to the excavation, who was also happened to be Xander's superior just a few hours ago, walked up to them.

"Well, Harris. We're setting the charge now." The foreman said, "But I still I can't figure out where you got the time to run for mayor when you've been working for me the past two years."

"And I can't figure out how you hold the monopoly on building, renovating, demolition and archaeological excavation in Sunnydale." Xander countered, his knowing smile saying differently.

"Effective time management." the foreman mumbled.

Xander smiled slightly, "Ditto."

The truth was Xander really didn't know but when Willow comes back he would have to get her to take a look into it He wasn't sure whether or not she'd like the idea of authorized access to the town hall's files but she would have to adapt.

"So what's the problem with this rock?" Xander asked the foreman, "Does it normally take this long?"

"No. Not usually." The foreman admitted, "You see, it looks like obsidian but it isn't. If I had to guess, I'd say it'd be some sort of volcanic hair ball. A big lump of molten metal mixed with some superheated crude to create some sort of ceramic alloy. It's the toughest shit to drill through I've ever seen. Never even heard of anything like it."

"Really?" Xander asked, "Maybe we should give samples to the university for analysis. I hear they love that sort of thing."

The foreman shrugged and turned as an explosives expert came down the tunnel, rolling out a wire from a reel.

They followed him out to the outside and he hooked up a detonator to the line, which he then gave to the foreman.

"Hang on." Xander told the foreman, "Could you let my girlfriend set it off? I promised she could do it."

The foreman rolled his eyes and gave the detonator to Tara who quickly shuffled it along to Anya.

"So, I can do it now?" Anya asked, "I just push this button?"

The foreman nodded.

"Are you sure?" Anya asked, "I don't want to do this wrong."

"Just push the button." Xander told her.

Anya held it out at arms length, closed her eyes and pushed the button.

A solid thud reached them on the surface and a dust cloud blew out of the entrance, covering everyone and everything in dust.

"Wow!" Anya said, coughing "Let's do it again."

She pushed the button a few more times but nothing happened.

"Aww. I think it's broken."

Xander chuckled at Anya's antics as Tara followed the workers into the excavation as the resident archaeological expert.

She was thinking that it was a bad idea to leave the dust masks behind. Xander was right when he said that safety equipment was always a good thing.

Walking into the main cavern, Tara saw that the large black ball of obsidian had been fractured heavily by the explosives but was mostly still in one piece.

"Well, fuck me." The foreman said, nudging the black rock for a second, "Hey, you two, Bring those picks over here. I'm not going to waste another charge on that thing."

The Foreman took one of the picks and wedged it into the crystal then he pulled.

To everyone's surprise, the crystal moved slowly.

Tara watched as the manly men put their strength into prying apart the rock with simple tools and their bare hands.

After less than a minute of struggling, they pulled apart the two biggest pieces which fell aside, showing something glittering at the core.

With the realization that this could be what they were after, they cleared away the smaller rocks and let Tara in to take a look.

"So. Is that what you're after?" the foreman asked her.

Tara picked up the brilliantly shiny silver and blood red axe off the ground and looked at it in amazement.

"It looked different in the book." was Xander's first observation.

"Yeah." Anya said, totally jaded, "Shinier."

-

Townhall, Xander's office.

The room had changed a lot since Mayor Wilkins owned it.

The walls and ceiling were painted a uniform beige. The desk was a stainless steel block. The room was impersonal and cold as if tainted by the initiative.

Xander walked into his utilitarian office with the same perpetual smile that had graced his face all day.

He had only been here once since he had become mayor. It was during his personal tour of townhall by the initiative agents.

Carefully, he sat down in his standard issue office chair and leaned back into it. The smile on his face grew wider as he did.

Everything was looking pretty sweet as he rested in his chair for a second.

Then his desk intercom spoke.

"Sir, there is a call for you on line one."

That was Glennis, his secretary. Wow, he had a secretary. She brought him coffee.

He pushed the button to reply and said "Thank you, Glennis."

Then he dutifully picked up the phone.

"Xander Harris?" a voice said on the line.

It didn't sound like a nice voice.

"Speaking." Xander said cheerfully oblivious.

"We have your girlfriend. Anya." the voice said.

Xander swallowed as a lump formed in his throat.

"What did you say?" he asked, just to be sure.

"We have your girlfriend. If you want her back then you shall have to do exactly what we tell you."

"But I just saw her. She was fine."

"You want proof? Here. Talk to her."

"Xander?" Anya's scared voice came through, "The guy holding me has really cold hands. Get me out of here."

"I will. I'll save you. Just hold tight."

The phone was taken from her and the man was back on the line.

"You'll save her? Don't make me laugh. You'll pay the ransom. That's what you'll do."

"What do you want?"

"We've lost over twenty of our best soldiers trying to get it but don't worry. It should be really easy for you."

"I'm sorry for your loss. What is it?"

"The Slayer."

-

Xander knocked on the Summers front door and Dawn opened it after yelling through the house "I'LL GET IT!"

"Xander!" Dawn said in awe, "Wow! Nice suit!"

"Thanks." Xander said with a grin, "I just came by to check up on Faith."

"Faith? She's sleeping. Maybe you should come back later." Dawn sniggered, finding herself funny.

Xander sighed, "There's just some things I have to tell her."

Dawn gave him a weird look.

"You know she's in a coma, right?"

"I understand it might be a one sided conversation."

"Alright." Dawn said, moving out of the road so he could come in, "You know where she is. Up the stairs, first room on the right."

"Thank you."

Dawn went off to watch her show about school kids competing in a variety of trials. Many of the trails seemed to involve fire hoses, buckets of jello and floors covered in slippery plastic.

Xander walked up the stairs to where Faith slept and closed the door behind him.

He frowned as he looked at her.

Why did she have to look so vulnerable?

It's always easier to hurt someone when they're scowling and evil.

Turning around, he opened the door suddenly and Dawn fell into the room.

"You do understand the meaning of privacy?" Xander asked her.

Dawn looked at him guiltily, "Yeah. I've heard of it. Uh. Sorry. It's just, uh.."

Xander grinned, "You remind me of myself at your age. Except you wear skirts slightly more."

Getting up, Dawn excused herself, "Sorry. I'll leave you two alone."

"Thanks."

Xander closed the door then the smile on his face fell off like someone had flicked a switch.

Walking over to the body, he looked down at her sadly and shook his head.

"I can't do it. I'm not you, Faith. I'm not a killer."

-

Underground maintenance station.

Anya's captors were a gang of vampires wearing brown cloaks. They had the same look as the other vampires in brown cloaks that had been plaguing Sunnydale recently.

She was getting really really bored and increasingly scared the longer she stayed there and she sighed with relief when a door to the junction finally opened and Xander came through.

The odd thing about him was that he was wearing glasses.

"You didn't bring the slayer." the main vampire said, stating the obvious and not pleased about it. "And what's with the sunglasses? You're underground. I'm surprised you can even see, human."

"I can see just fine." Xander told him, "This is your last chance. Let her go."

"Let her go? But you didn't bring the slayer. That was the deal."

"Actually I did. She's very close. Let Anya go and you'll have more slayer than you know what to do with."

The vampire in charge walked up to Xander and smirked, "No. I think you'll tell us where you put her now or we'll snack on you."

"You were just going to eat us anyway, weren't you?" Xander asked him.

The vampire nodded, "Don't worry. We'll find the slayer without your help. If she's that close by, we should be able to smell her out."

"Or I could just tell you where she is and save you the effort." Xander suggested, taking off his glasses.

"Yeah, sure... Hey. What's with your eyes?"

While the vampire was confused, Xander took the opportunity to shove a stake into his chest, dusting him.

As the dust settled, the vampires stared at Xander. They were staring particularly his eyes which had no pupil and were a brilliant metallic gold.

They were still staring as Xander pulled out two small hand crossbows and shot them into the vampires.

One of the bolts took out the largest vampire there while the other shot Anya's captor in the back of the mouth, making it gag.

Anya took the opportunity to free herself and rush to Xander's side.

"Xander. What did you do?" Anya asked him.

"Not the time, baby. Just stand back and let Xan the man do his thing."

Some of the vampires were looking to the only other exit Xander didn't walk in from.

Xander noticed this and shook his head.

"Don't even think about it."

One of them ran for it and Xander picked up a loose brick from the floor and threw it at their head, knocking them over.

"Oh come on." Xander laughed, "There's more than ten of you. If you all rush at once you can kill me."

"Uh, Xander-" Anya objected but was too late as the vampires rushed him.

Xander rushed them too, twirling into the air with a devastating roundhouse kick that knocked the crowd back.

"You broke my arm!" One of the vampires yelled.

Xander replied by kicking him in the face so violently that their neck snapped back more than it really should. Then it dusted, obviously counting as a decapitation.

As the vampires got back up, Xander had pulled two stakes out of somewhere, one for each hand.

Staking left and right, the vampires didn't have a chance.

One came at him from the side and Xander batted him away with a backhand easily but it gave another vampire the chance to tackle him from behind.

As it opened it's mouth to bite down on his neck, Xander reached back with a hand and stuck his hand in it's mouth, grabbing it's jaw from the inside. Then he wrenched it off him, swinging it around and smashing it against a wall so hard body parts came off and it dusted.

Two dazed vampires got up to attack him from opposite sides and he spun, swinging his stakes out in opposite directions, dusting them both at the same time.

After that Xander looked for more vampires but there weren't any.

"Wow. That was good. That was really good." Xander said, pleased at his performance.

"Xander?" Anya called to him, "Or should I say Faith?"

"A bit of both." Xander chuckled, "Anya. You wouldn't believe how I feel right now. I'm all tingly."

Then his eyes rolled back and he blacked out.

-

"Ough!" Xander groaned, "What hit me?"

"He's coming to." Dawn said uncomfortably loud.

"Dawn?.. Did you get the license plate?"

"Ooh. Easy. Don't get up." Dawn told him, as she applied a cold flannel to his forehead, "Just lie back and relax."

"What happened? The last thing I remember was.. Anya!"

Xander shot up and Anya came over to him, "I'm right here. I'm fine."

"Oh good." Xander said relieved then fell back down onto the couch as a lump of pain throbbed through his head.

Focusing on just breathing, he looked around the room, noticing that he was in the Summer's household again. Buffy, Giles and Joyce were there too along with a boy that he didn't know.

"So, what happened? And who's that?"

"This is Tell." Buffy introduced the boy to Xander, "He's the guy Giles sent us to talk to in Las Vegas."

"Oh, right. It's all coming back to me." Xander said, nodding softly, "So you brought him home? Neat. Hi."

Tell tilted his head slightly in acknowledgement.

"Nuh-uh." Buffy told Xander, "You're not getting out of trouble that easily."

Xander groaned, "So now I'm in trouble?"

"Yes, you're in trouble." Giles told him, like a disappointed parent, "I still don't know how you did it."

"I looked in Anya's spellbooks." Xander explained.

"I think it was cool." Dawn put in her two cents worth.

"No. It's not cool." Buffy told her sister, "It's not cool to get yourself possessed by a raving lunatic. Particularly not on purpose."

"Well. What other choice did I have?" Xander asked her, "You and Willow were out of town so all that left me was Giles. No offense Gile's but I'd prefer a little more back up than just you."

"Xander. You could have gotten Spike's help and Tara's and maybe even Harmony's." Buffy told him.

"But they said to come alone." Xander countered as Joyce gave him some water to drink.

Buffy rolled her eyes, "So what you do is get Spike and Harmony to stumble upon them acting as if they're just strolling through or have them chase Giles through the sewers as if they're on a hunt. Then you just have to decide if you want to divide and conquer or go straight for rescuing Anya."

"Buffy, you're using logic. You know I failed that in school." Xander joked.

Buffy sighed, "I just don't get why you thought Faith would help you."

"Because they were after her. The enemy of my enemy is my friend... Is that how it goes?"

Anya shook her head, "Sometimes they're your enemy too."

Willow and Tara came down from upstairs and saw that Xander was awake. Both of them looked relieved.

"What's the prognosis?" Buffy asked Willow.

"We think Faith is back in her body." Willow replied, uncertainly.

"But you're not sure?" Buffy asked.

"Her aura is.. fuzzy." Tara explained.

Willow nodded in agreement, "This isn't an exact science, Buffy. If that's what you want just find me an electroencephalograph since that would be actual science."

"We should have checked her earlier." Tara said with a worried expression, "Faith is.. Someone did something bad to her."

To that Willow nodded again, "For some reason, someone was trying to fill her system with dark magic. Her body is trying to reject it, which is why we think she's in a coma. It's exhausted itself."

"I hung some purifying quartz around her bed to help cleanse her." Tara added timidly.

"That makes sense." Anya said, "The vampires were really talkative. They were saying something about how after Faith is completely corrupted they'll be granted the something of Aza-something."

"The word of Azaroth?" Tell asked her.

"Yeah. That's it. How did you know?" Anya asked.

"It's a myth." Giles told her, "Common among lesser demons. An artifact that can bestow the power of the gods. Utter bunk of course. I have no doubt that some enterprising demon was using the prospect of it as a veritable carrot on a stick."

"I bet you looked really cool with super powers." Dawn told Xander.

"You wouldn't believe how much!" Anya said, laughing, "He kicked a vampire's head off."

Buffy snorted, "Come on, Anya. That's impossible. It's been tried."

"It didn't really come off." Xander told them, "I'm not sure why it turned to dust."

"Xander. You can remember what Faith did?" Giles asked him.

"Remember?" Xander laughed, "I was there helping her. We were joined together to make one person. It was like that voltron spell we used to defeat Adam in the initiative."

Giles frowned some more, "I should take a look at this spell you cast. To help foresee any consequences it might have."

Xander looked at him, "You mean the fact that I feel like I just flattened by a steamroller doesn't count as a consequence? I almost feel as bad as when Buffy bet me up. At least I didn't throw up green goop this time."

"I believe that's because you're not a slayer. Your body isn't built to command that sort of power." said Giles.

"Giles is right. You could have hurt yourself." Buffy told him, "Bad, Xander. Bad. No treat for you."

Xander gave her a sly grin and said "I think I know how to get back in your good books."

Buffy crossed her arms, "Doubt it."

"Oh, so you don't want to get paid for being the slayer?" Xander asked her with a wicked smile, "I guess I've just insulted your code of honor. I should apologize."

Buffy dropped her arms, "Paid for being the slayer? What do you mean?"

"I'm thinking a salary. Something in the neighborhood of what the chief of police makes. With free dental, medical, christmas bonus. But if you're not interested..."

Buffy chuckled, "And how would I get that?"

Xander looked to Anya and Giles who both had great big smiles.

"You didn't tell them?" Xander asked them.

"We thought it would be best if you told them." Giles said, "You seemed to have so much fun telling us."

"What are you guys talking about?" Dawn asked.

Xander propped himself up on the couch carefully and said "Ladies and Gentlemen, you are looking at the new mayor of Sunnydale."

There was a moment of silence.

Willow hemmed, "Xander. Just how much have you been playing with magic today?"

Xander laughed at her, "Will, this is the real deal. The initiative brass put me in charge of Sunnydale since they're moving out."

"But why you?" Buffy asked.

Xander shrugged, "It seems you have to be insane to live in Sunnydale. No one in the initiative wants the job."

"But there are better people." Buffy argued, "Like Giles."

Xander sighed, "But he's English. They didn't like that."

Buffy frowned, "Then what about Willow? She's smart."

Xander put on a silly smile and said "Buffy. Think about it. Which would get more respect from the shortsighted public of Sunnydale? A wild genius lesbian wiccan university student or a red blooded working class man with average intelligence? Face it. My mediocrity is finally an asset."

"I look better in a suit." Willow joked getting a titter from Tara, "But I'm amazed that Xander could do a spell of this magnitude by himself."

Xander nodded, "I thought it was going to be really hard and I was going to fail miserably and my head would explode but it was actually easy. Really easy."

"If you thought your head would explode, why did you do it?" Buffy asked him.

"For Anya." Xander said suavely.

"Aww." Anya crooned, "Isn't that the most romantic thing?"

"I like to think so." Xander said, failing in suaveness.

"Why didn't they ask for the book too?" Buffy asked, "I mean, the book would be more important than Faith, isn't it?"

"Book?" Tell asked.

"The Nimrodim Appendix." Giles told him, "It's how we located you."

"They don't know we have it." Xander said, "When Faith was inside my head, I saw some of her memories. When she stole the book, she pushed over some candles and the curtains caught on fire. As she ran off, she looked back and the house was going up in flame. So, I don't think anyone knows we have it."

"You saw her memories?" Buffy asked.

"Not that much. Just recent things." Xander said quietly, "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to get home and into bed."

"I think that would be best too." Joyce told him, "But you should eat something to keep your strength up."

"Yes, mom. I'll do that." Xander replied, sounding strangely natural, "Ahn, help me up?"

Anya complied and helped him to his feet to leave.

"If Xander gets possessed in the night. Tell Faith not to exert herself." Buffy joked as the couple made their way to the door.

"Okay." Anya told her as they passed her.

With them gone, Buffy said "I'll just get changed for a patrol. Want to come, Tell? I'll show you the sights."

"Patrol?" Tell asked then realized what she meant, "Oh. Okay."

"You don't patrol?" Willow asked him.

"Normally I fight evil, I've already got a clear idea of what I'm going to fight. But I'm okay with patrolling."

"Cool. I'll be back down soon then." Buffy said cheerfully then bounded up the stairs.

"So, Tell. You fight evil?" Joyce asked conversationally as she sipped her tea.

"Yeah. How did you get into that? You look younger than me." Dawn added.

"I.." Tell faltered, unsure what to say, "I just sort of fell into it."

"I'm curious as to what powers you have." Giles said.

"Powers." Tell frowned, seeming to be uncomfortable with being the center of attention, "Umm. I've got a few."

"Do you have super strength like Buffy?" Dawn asked, "Cos I think you could take her."

Tell shook his head, "I'm not a slayer."

"So what do you have?" Willow asked.

"Nothing I can just show you easily. Most of my powers are passive."

"They don't like to fight?" Dawn asked with a confused look.

Willow chuckled, "No. Like super strength and speed and jumping really high are active powers because they're something you do while enhanced healing or Buffy detecting vampires are passive powers because they're automatic."

Dawn nodded then asked "So you can sense vampires?"

"No." Tell told her.

Giles hemmed, "Excuse me but I was under the impression that you were similar to the slayer. But how would that be if all of your powers are passive?"

Tell was about to say something but was interrupted as Buffy ran down the stairs at full gallop, brandishing the Scythe that had been dug up earlier that day.

"Hey guys. How did you know what I wanted for my birthday?" Buffy asked with the biggest grin.

Giles smiled at her, "I thought you might like that. While you were in Las Vegas, Xander and Tara had that dug up."

"That's the weapon we detected before?" Willow asked Giles who nodded.

"It's fricken cool!" Buffy said gleefully, "Do you guys feel that warm fuzzy feel good vibe coming off it?"

"Uh. No." Giles said, confused.

Tell got up from the couch and walked over to Buffy, "May I?"

Buffy shrugged and gave it to him, "Sure."

After being given the scythe, Tell closed his eyes and frowned. When he opened them he said "It's broken. Uh, what's the magical word? Bound? Someone or something has bound it using magic. That's why they can't feel anything from it."

"But I do." Buffy said, "So you're wrong."

"So do I." Tell told her, "If I couldn't feel anything then I couldn't tell it was bound."

"Okay then. That's logical." Buffy replied, "So it feels powerful to you too?"

"Oh, It's powerful alright. But no. To me it feels .. itchy. But with it's power bound like this it's just an axe."

"You're saying it's more than an axe? Because I'm thinking just an axe is cool with me." Buffy said with a smirk, "So you can fix it?"

Tell blinked at her, "Me? No. I can't call on that sort of magic. You would need someone talented. Not me."

"Would you know where to start?" Willow asked, "Because bindings are notoriously hard to remove."

Tell pursed his mouth in thought then said "You wouldn't need anything fancy. I think the artifact could withstand anything magical you throw at it. The only problem would be recoil. Without the proper restraints, the caster could hurt themselves."

"The spell could reflect back on the caster and try to remove their own bindings." Willow theorized.

"Ummm." Dawn hummed in thought, "I'm no expert but if you tried to unbound someone who wasn't already bound, wouldn't nothing happen?"

"Actually, everyone is bound to a certain degree." said Tara, "It's what keeps your mind inside your head. Otherwise it would just float off and you'd turn into a meat puppet."

"You'd die?" asked Dawn, shocked.

"No." Tara said uncertainly, "I'm not sure what would happen."

"You go crazy." Willow told them, "The mind acts as a barrier between the body and soul. The body wants to lie around all day and eat things while the soul is wild and totally unfathomable. Without the mind, you flip flop between the two extremes without any control."

"Ah. So that's a bad thing." Dawn summed up.

Willow nodded emphatically, "And it's also why unbinding is tricky. When unbinding a person, you risk destroying their mind. An object shouldn't be too difficult since it doesn't have a mind to destroy. Tara and I could try unbinding it tonight."

Tell handed her the scythe and said, "If you do attempt a spell, err on the side of caution. It's better to fail for a week than lose your mind in a night."

Willow smiled confidently, "Don't worry. I'm good at failing miserably."

Buffy pouted, "Aww. I really wanted to go out and kill something with that. Look. It's even got it's own stake. Isn't that the cutest thing you ever saw in a weapon?"

Then she sighed, "Oh well. Patrol time, yet again. Tell?"

"Coming."

Giles hemmed, "Hang on. Tell, will you be okay with vampires? Have you ever fought vampires before?"

"Yes. Many times. They're no problem."

"Okay but Buffy's in charge." Giles said as if telling someone to wipe their feet.

Tell nodded obediantly.

Buffy looked between the two and then walked out the front door with Tell following her.

"I just need to get my own gear." Tell told Buffy as he unlocked the trunk of his beige volvo.

Buffy was a bit skeptical at Tell owning a car at first but strangely he didn't look out of place driving it. He did drive a bit too conservatively for her tastes though.

After less than a minute, he closed the trunk and was now wearing a slouch hat and a soft brown leather trenchcoat that was a few sizes too big for him.

Next to Buffy's bright yellow bubble jacket and white denim jeans, they looked like ying and yang.

Buffy looked him over and smirked, "That look went out seventy years ago."

Tell raised his head and looked at her under the brim of his hat. Buffy had to admit that the effect was dramatic.

"I don't wear it for fashion. I wear it to hide this." Tell said as he pulled up his left sleeve to show the shiny metal gauntlet which ended with three spikes, "Besides some designs are ageless."

"You know we're going hunting for vampires, right? As far as I know that won't kill them."

Tell smiled, something Buffy hadn't seen him do before. It almost looked forced.

"As far as you know." he told her.

"It's magical?"

"Blessed but that's not important. A blow to the base of the skull severs the spines connection to the brain which kills vampires."

"Hmm. I didn't know that. How did you find it out?"

"By doing it to a vampire." Tell said as he looked Buffy over, "Do you often patrol for vampires looking like that?"

"Bright colors attract hungry vampires better than darker tones." Buffy explained.

"Hmm. I didn't know that. Should we take the car?"

"No. We're patrolling, remember?"

"Oh. Right. This might take some getting used to."

-

Generic Sunnydale cemetery.

Faith was running.

Someone was watching.

Someone was chasing.

She ran though a graveyard, towards an open grave which she hadn't seen.

It was like a cheap horror flick, where Faith was the victim and she was being chased by the unstoppable axe murderer.

Even as it gaped out in front of her Faith still couldn't see the hole in the ground which she was clearly stumbling towards. There wasn't any other open graves so it couldn't be a coincidence that she was homing in on it.

"She's going to fall in." Xander said as he ran towards her, pulling her away just as Faith realized there was a giant rectangular hole in the ground and she was about to fall into it.

Then she realized that someone was holding onto her and she batted at them weakly.

"Lemmego." Faith struggled, trying to get away.

Xander sighed and let her, only to see her backpedal towards a gravestone and stay there, staring at him in horror.

"There you are." Buffy said, walking into the scene with a wickedly curved knife.

"Buffy?" Xander said, unsure why she was here.

Buffy turned to Xander with unblinking eyes and said "Can't you see I'm busy?"

Xander tilted his head and said "You're not Buffy. You're not fooling anyone."

Nightmare Buffy looked at him with alien plastic eyes and said "If you won't kill her then I will."

Xander brought his open palm up, hitting Buffy just under the jaw. It stumbled back and fell over a tombstone. She didn't move after that so Xander guessed it was unconscious or dead. Although he also guessed that terms like that didn't really suit figments of the imagination.

Faith looked between Xander and her nightmare with a look of confusion.

"Xander?"

"That's right."

Faith got up and hugged Xander with all her might, which wasn't as much as Xander was expecting.

"We did enough of that earlier." Xander chuckled, "You know I'm already seeing someone, right?"

"And I don't hug." Faith said as she let go of Xander.

"How's that working out for you."

"Lying has it's benefits. The real trick is lying to yourself."

"We really should do something about this." Xander said, looking at the hole in the ground.

"About what?" Faith asked him, knowing full well what he meant.

"About your head. It's a mess."

"Your head isn't a picnic either. Besides, it suits. I am the slayer."

"I doubt Buffy's like this."

Faith shrugged, "I've been there. It's no big thing."

Xander looked at her, confused.

"You've been in Buffy's mind?"

"You think she's prim and proper on the outside? Just wait until you see her insides. Everything has a place and everything is in its place. Clean sheets."

"You're strangely literal." Xander realized.

Faith shrugged, "It's hard to keep things hidden when you're under my skin."

"Don't." Xander whined as he sensed what was coming.

Faith laughed then sung out a line from a Frank Sinatra number.

"I've got you under my skin. I've got you deep in the heart of me. So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me."

Xander just stared.

"What?" Faith asked him.

"I've just never heard you sing. You're not bad."

Faith beamed him a smile, "Thanks."

Xander and Faith looked around the cemetery for a while. It was deathly quiet and Xander knew the orange glow on the horizon wasn't the sun setting but buildings burning down.

"One thing I don't get." Faith interrupted his thoughts.

"What's that?"

"Why do you have a bloody hole in your chest."

Xander looked down to where his heart had been ripped out and shrugged.

"Oh that. Got my heart ripped out once. It was a whole big thing."

Faith sighed, "You've got to go."

"Yeah. I'll see you soon."

Faith smiled weakly, "Not going anywhere."

Xander's vision faded out as Faith dreaded the dreams to come and she found herself alone again.

-

Fin – For now.

Okay okay. This one was really kinda small. But the next one will be bigger. I promise.

Hope you liked it anyway. Give us a shout if you did.


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